This will be an opinionated post and in no way does not mean that I don't understand that accidents happen and people have rights to make their own choices. However, it does make me ask what happened to old-fashioned family values....
Ira's cousin's girlfriend is pregnant and due to have the baby any day now. Of course, he is 22 and has a whole life of possibilities which of course, makes me ask the question, was this a child-support set up or is this love that will eventually turn into marriage and a lifetime together? I am really hoping for the latter.
Yes, I know it's a very jaded question, but while out of 3 of our kids (me 1, Ira 2) two were out of previous marriages and one was a self-centered pregnancy invoked for child-support purposes and based on manipulation and lies - so, yes I am jaded. I could do another complete post on our child-support system.
Back, to my point. A friend of mine has 3 kids out of wedlock - 2 different dads, 1 unplanned, 2 planned. My cousin has 3 kids out of marriage - 2 different moms, 1 unplanned, 2 planned. I have at least one Aunt with one child out of wedlock and she has never really been in a relationship with the father. I am sure there are more on my side of the family, after all my Mom had 12 brothers and sisters that have kids - that is alot of people to not have more kids out of wedlock. But, everyone else I can think of in my family has followed traditional values - marriage and then kids.
Ira's family seems to have an epidemic of kids out of wedlock and everyone seems okay with it. I guess when it happens this much, it just becomes part of the norm. But, I just don't get it, when did it become so acceptable to raise your kids to think it is okay to have kids out of marriage. One of his cousins actually had 3 before she married the father. I think it's great that the kids are being raised with both parents, but how easily could that have gone in another direction.
Now, this is not an attack towards his family at all, it is stictly a personal example of something that is happening all around us. How do people legitimately think it is just okay to get pregnant and have a kid when you are not even at a place in your relationship to commit to marriage with each other?
I know this is not something that just started, my Mom's oldest sister was born out of wedlock and family gossip states that she didn't even tell my Grandfather about her daughter until after he married her. In fact Ira's Mom was even born out of wedlock and later adopted by her stepdad. So, this has been happening longer than we have even thought about it. But, what were the percentages in the 1800's, 1920's, 1950's, etc, and what are they now. Back then, I am guessing more were unplanned and of course, then the decision is to have the baby and do the best you can. Now, it just seems more acceptable to consciencely decide on the pregnancies and babies without the marriage.
Again, I know this will touch a nerve with some people and I am not out to offend anyone, but I just completely don't understand when our society decided it is now okay and acceptable to decide to get pregnant and bring children into this world as if you were already divorced or to see if the child rearing would work before deciding to get married.
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Some people think of kids as dolls or pets or playthings. They're looking for love and thinking that they can get it that way. Sometimes, it's people just getting carried away. I was just talking with Hannah and her Dad tonight about that Spears girl. Sometimes, people make mistakes (not that babies are mistakes), but it's what you do afterwards.
Yeah, I agree with you. I think the most important thing in your observations is that there's a severe breakdown in the core family structure. Which explains why kids are so much more violent/depressed/self-conscious/etc. Kids need structure... they need discipline... they need support and love and good examples. In that kind of situation, where a kids was just born casually, those essential things seem to be missing. And bottom line, it's just heartbreaking. Because (Spears case in point), it's the kids that ultimately end up suffering the consequences.
Have you noticed how glorified this has become in Hollywood? No wonder people seem to think this is so great. When you're a multi-millionaire it's much easier and much more of a romantic notion to be squeezing 'em out left and right with little consequence. But when you have a real life to live, it's quite another issue. I think it is possible to have a child grow up to be a well-adjusted member of society if not in a traditional family, but yes it is harder. It becomes the responsibility of the parent to ensure that the child is on the right road.
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