I know it's been forever since I posted a blog, but franklyI just haven't been into it. So, I will start simply with what's been up. Jason has just finished up basketball and we are on our first break from 4 -5 day a week practices and games since August. He is doing pretty well with the loss of Grandma and while Christmas has it's moments, all in all it has been good.
Christmas was okay. I hosted our family Christmas on the day after Christmas and chose to spend Christmas night by myself. As sad as that sounds, it contained no stress and drama - in a word, peaceful.
Sales meeting in San Diego is done. It was great seeing my friends and having some fun in the middle of some long days. It did all seem to go so fast though. I could definitely go for some more 80 degree weather. Now, I am off to Denver for the weekend. I am not working the actual conference but, am booked with customer meetings. I think I could have been there for another day and filled it up. Good lesson for next time.
So, other than that I have been stuck in a spiral. I have not been going to the gym like I was. Mostly this is due to not going because gas prices were so high and now it is just because I am out of the habit. We have not been going to church as regularly as we were. I could come up with a billion excuses - out of town (which is true), break from running all week, etc. But frankly, we have lost a little of the motivation. Every time we go there we both feel so judged. Not by everybody, but by a few, which just ticks me off. No, we are not married and no, we have no plans to. Life is life and it does not permit it at this time. I didn't make the rules, but it is what it is. Jesus didn't judge, what gives the congregation that right? Anyway, I do want to get back into it and just ignore the judgers.
Today, I woke up and just hit a wall. I couldn't tell you the last time I really hit major depression, but today was so bad that I ached right down to my bones and would have gladly stayed in bed all day. So, instead I stuck mostly to email and prepped for my meetings this weekend. It's amazing how much time prepping for 11 appointments can take. We ordered Chinese food and it was great comfort food. Thankfully, I am feeling much better. It is just not like me to be that way.
So, I will try to make a point to at least post something every week and try to get back into the rhythm of life. Back on the road, blog, gym, and church - back to normal :-)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Friday, November 7, 2008
RIP
My ex-MIL and Jason's Grandmother, Veda Daniels, lost her battle with cancer last night. I appreciate the prayers and support that all of you have provided the past few months.
As you know, Jason has been my number one concern and I was not sure how the loss of his Grandmother would effect him. While he has been in a bit of a fog for most of this year and has had some ups and downs he has been doing as well as can be expected and then some. He was a bit off during football season and a couple of his grades have slipped a bit. My goal has been to be understanding, get him to open up, and keep everything as normal as possible. C's are still not acceptable, no matter what. But, I am also right in there helping him to improve them as well.
So, this morning he cried and I kept him home from school figuring he needed the day to deal and get his head straight. By 10:00 he was already bored. His Dad and Grandpa were busy running errands this morning, so I had told Jess we would come over in the afternoon and help with whatever they needed. I did the work I needed to do in the morning and Jason and I spent the rest of the day running a few errands and going through pictures. Jess was going to prepare the collage on poster board, so I volunteered Jason and I to create the collage. Jason was actually excited about it and was happy with it once we were done. Trifold and scrapbooking materials and we put together a really nice collage.
I have to admit that I started to notice a difference in Jason Thursday night when we were going over his math homework. He knew that she was going to pass any day and I think he had accepted it. He cried this morning and was excited by the evening. At this point he seems more relieved than anything else and I could not be happier about that. I think he sincerely saw how much pain she was in and knows that she is no longer suffering. He amazes me and has shown me how resilient and mature he really is being about all of this. I am very proud of him.
And then at 10:20 there was a breakdown and sobbing - poor baby. Strength for a 12 year old only goes so far.
As you know, Jason has been my number one concern and I was not sure how the loss of his Grandmother would effect him. While he has been in a bit of a fog for most of this year and has had some ups and downs he has been doing as well as can be expected and then some. He was a bit off during football season and a couple of his grades have slipped a bit. My goal has been to be understanding, get him to open up, and keep everything as normal as possible. C's are still not acceptable, no matter what. But, I am also right in there helping him to improve them as well.
So, this morning he cried and I kept him home from school figuring he needed the day to deal and get his head straight. By 10:00 he was already bored. His Dad and Grandpa were busy running errands this morning, so I had told Jess we would come over in the afternoon and help with whatever they needed. I did the work I needed to do in the morning and Jason and I spent the rest of the day running a few errands and going through pictures. Jess was going to prepare the collage on poster board, so I volunteered Jason and I to create the collage. Jason was actually excited about it and was happy with it once we were done. Trifold and scrapbooking materials and we put together a really nice collage.
I have to admit that I started to notice a difference in Jason Thursday night when we were going over his math homework. He knew that she was going to pass any day and I think he had accepted it. He cried this morning and was excited by the evening. At this point he seems more relieved than anything else and I could not be happier about that. I think he sincerely saw how much pain she was in and knows that she is no longer suffering. He amazes me and has shown me how resilient and mature he really is being about all of this. I am very proud of him.
And then at 10:20 there was a breakdown and sobbing - poor baby. Strength for a 12 year old only goes so far.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Life update
I know I have not been out here much, but frankly I have just had so much going on.
Jason's football team is 3-5 with one more game and two practices left. However, basketball tryouts start two days after football ends. Baskeball should be interesting this year. As we step out of rec and into 7th grade basketball we will be dealing with a coach who has a history of being a jerk. He has been known to bench his best players and has made comments in remarks to the kids that he stated were not good enough to make the middle school football team.
If you have been following my rants at all you know that this a bone of contention and political heat over MS football vs Jr. Football. Those who play Jr Football choose to be there for specific reasons - more practice, more games, better coaching, better competition, Saturday games. Not because they weren't good enough. So, that gives you an idea of the type of person we are dealing with. Plus, he has a history of favortism as well. One of the othe moms thinks he just doesn't like kids. Fortunately, we will have an Assistant Coach that has been coaching this group of kids on and off for 4 years.
Work has been busy, but not fruitful, which has been discouraging. I am hoping that sales pick up in the last two months of the year, otherwise I am going to be in some trouble.
As far as I know, the medication for my Dad's mental issues is working. But, frankly I have this habit of separating myself from him everytime he comes out of some medical catastrophe. So, other than the fact that I have been busy, and they never make an attempt to get to any of Jason's football games, I haven't seen him since we put him in the hospital and I have only talked to him a handful of times.
Lastly, and sadly, Jess was given the news yesterday that they have cancelled any future appointments and chemo for his Mom. She was supposed to start chemo up again this week, but the doctor stated that they have extended everything as far as they can and anything at this point won't be helping. They have given her 1 - 5 weeks to live, which means that it is unlikely that she will make it to Thanksgiving. They have a hospice aide coming in this week to help in her last few weeks.
Jason is still over there 2 - 5 days a week and strangely enough I did mention to him earlier this week that the 9 months that she was given as a maximum was approaching. I am trying to help him prepare for this as much as I can, but Grandma doesn't want him to know that she only has a handful of weeks. I don't want to cut his time with her, but I stressed again that if he is uncomfortable at any point or just doesn't want to be there that he can call any of us and someone will come get him since Grandpa can't leave Grandma right now. She is just to the point now where she can't be left alone. I think he finally is to that point where he has seen things get progressively worse and is open to leaving and not feeling like he has to be strong for her all the time.
I have already told my boss that I am supposed to be out of town for 3 out of the next 5 weeks and as soon as this happens I will be immediately on my way home. It's hard explaining that this is my Ex-MIL, but she is Jason's second Mom and my backup. My job is to be there for Jason and help him through this while his Dad needs to take care of all of the arrangements. My boss has been supportive and even offered to take my appointments if I need to leave - we are coming up with an emergency plan :-)
It tears me up to know that at the age of 12 that my son is losing one of the closest people in his life. It has been a year of loss and throughout this year Ira and Jason will have both lost their Grandmas (both Grandmas for Ira). At least Jason has 2 left, but neither of the ones still left will fill the void that this one will leave behind for him, that I am sure of.
Jason's football team is 3-5 with one more game and two practices left. However, basketball tryouts start two days after football ends. Baskeball should be interesting this year. As we step out of rec and into 7th grade basketball we will be dealing with a coach who has a history of being a jerk. He has been known to bench his best players and has made comments in remarks to the kids that he stated were not good enough to make the middle school football team.
If you have been following my rants at all you know that this a bone of contention and political heat over MS football vs Jr. Football. Those who play Jr Football choose to be there for specific reasons - more practice, more games, better coaching, better competition, Saturday games. Not because they weren't good enough. So, that gives you an idea of the type of person we are dealing with. Plus, he has a history of favortism as well. One of the othe moms thinks he just doesn't like kids. Fortunately, we will have an Assistant Coach that has been coaching this group of kids on and off for 4 years.
Work has been busy, but not fruitful, which has been discouraging. I am hoping that sales pick up in the last two months of the year, otherwise I am going to be in some trouble.
As far as I know, the medication for my Dad's mental issues is working. But, frankly I have this habit of separating myself from him everytime he comes out of some medical catastrophe. So, other than the fact that I have been busy, and they never make an attempt to get to any of Jason's football games, I haven't seen him since we put him in the hospital and I have only talked to him a handful of times.
Lastly, and sadly, Jess was given the news yesterday that they have cancelled any future appointments and chemo for his Mom. She was supposed to start chemo up again this week, but the doctor stated that they have extended everything as far as they can and anything at this point won't be helping. They have given her 1 - 5 weeks to live, which means that it is unlikely that she will make it to Thanksgiving. They have a hospice aide coming in this week to help in her last few weeks.
Jason is still over there 2 - 5 days a week and strangely enough I did mention to him earlier this week that the 9 months that she was given as a maximum was approaching. I am trying to help him prepare for this as much as I can, but Grandma doesn't want him to know that she only has a handful of weeks. I don't want to cut his time with her, but I stressed again that if he is uncomfortable at any point or just doesn't want to be there that he can call any of us and someone will come get him since Grandpa can't leave Grandma right now. She is just to the point now where she can't be left alone. I think he finally is to that point where he has seen things get progressively worse and is open to leaving and not feeling like he has to be strong for her all the time.
I have already told my boss that I am supposed to be out of town for 3 out of the next 5 weeks and as soon as this happens I will be immediately on my way home. It's hard explaining that this is my Ex-MIL, but she is Jason's second Mom and my backup. My job is to be there for Jason and help him through this while his Dad needs to take care of all of the arrangements. My boss has been supportive and even offered to take my appointments if I need to leave - we are coming up with an emergency plan :-)
It tears me up to know that at the age of 12 that my son is losing one of the closest people in his life. It has been a year of loss and throughout this year Ira and Jason will have both lost their Grandmas (both Grandmas for Ira). At least Jason has 2 left, but neither of the ones still left will fill the void that this one will leave behind for him, that I am sure of.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Absent blogger
Mindless stream of thoughts....
Let's just say I have my hands full lately. Between the fall push, school starting for Jason, football, covering an extra part of a territory, and family drama. I just haven't had any time to blog or do much of anything else.
Football means 5 day a week practices in August and then games on Saturdays and 3 day a week practices in September and October. I just drove back from Chicago today, so we bailed on the school open house, but I had to go up there for at least a half hour meeting on the spring trip to DC. Which of course, I just found out about yesterday. This started as an 8th grade trip (actually it used to be a 7th grade trip to Toronto, but passport laws as they are today), but they are sending 7th and 8th grade this year. And, Jason wants me to chaperone. I really love to help out and am happy that he still wants me to be part of these events that will give him so many memories. I usually chaperone one field trip a year, but boy what a doozy (and pricey) of a trip. I actually went to DC with honor society in 8th grade, so I am excited that he gets to experience the adventure. The downside is that I plan on being in Seattle for ACRL March 12 - 14 and the DC trip is 16 - 19. I will be off a plane, have one day to do laundry (thank goodness for that day!!) and then we will be on a bus at 5 am the 16th. Should be interesting, but I am sure it will be a great time!
I have also been covering part of northern Illinois and Chicago, but thank goodness the regular rep is coming back at the end of the month. I have missed working in that area, but I have just been swamped and had no time to breathe. My boss actually left me a message today asking me to call him back. I left him a voice mail letting him know that I had been back in town for 45 minutes, was on my way to a football scrimmage, and had a meeting at 6:3o at the school. I mentioned I would be happy to talk to him after that, so he sent me an e-mail. He is a pretty smart guy :-)
Football is still a political mess, but at least we are working through it. I am co-managing the team and starting to think that was a mistake. I am used to doing everything and not trusting that anyone else will do anything (I know, minor control issues). So, I figure my counterpart goes to the practices and is basically plays the team mom, while I manage paperwork, rosters, lists, etc. The problem is that I send out the paperwork requests, schedule changes, what have you and make sure that the e-mail is also sent to her so that she knows what I am working on. Two days later she will call me or e-mail me that that called all of the parents for the same information that I e-mailed about, in a hurry, on my way out the door. If she was going to do it anyway, I wouldn't have bothered. I love the woman, but she is getting on my last nerve.
Come to find out Jess thinks that his Mom is not really in remission and she is just telling everyone that so that they won't push her on why she is not doing chemo. I think at this point, she has just accepted the inevitable and is trying not to add to the $100,000 of debt that they now have due to the cancer - that had now actually spread to her knees. The doctor told Jess that he has never seen this type of cancer ever go into remission and that the chemo just prolongs her life for a little while. She is supposed to go back in November, so hopefully we will know more then.
Lastly, my Stepmom and I had to put my Dad in the hospital last week for what we thought were hallucinations due to a new pain medication that is known to cause insomnia and hallucinations. He had already called the cops on people that were in his house that weren't really there. He was verbally vicious and threatened my stepmom to me over the phone. It was an empty threat and he hadn't been physical, but verbal threats were still enough to make me worry since he was not a sane state of mind. For his own safety and hers we did what we had to do. He drove himself to the hospital (because he wouldn't ride with us), signed the ER paperwork, and based on the triage nurse and doctore evaluation she and I had to admit him. Her signature, but both of our names are on the petition. We expected the drug to wear off after a couple of days and then, based on our research, he would snap out of it. Wrong, he woke up pissed, blocked all communication and blocked all information going to her or I. One week later and a judge has dicatated that he belongs in the hospital and the lines of communication are slowly opening up. I found out today that there have been no improvement and they are thinking that this is something more severe than a side effect. I am going to go to the hospital to see if he will see me tomorrow - cross your fingers, since he wouldn't return my phone call. Also, pray that I have the patience with him that I need and don't take his ramblings to heart. He just gets so nasty right now that I am thinking my Stepmom may be earning Sainthood. I need to just keep telling myself that he does understand reality and that he doesn't know what he is saying.
Let's just say I have my hands full lately. Between the fall push, school starting for Jason, football, covering an extra part of a territory, and family drama. I just haven't had any time to blog or do much of anything else.
Football means 5 day a week practices in August and then games on Saturdays and 3 day a week practices in September and October. I just drove back from Chicago today, so we bailed on the school open house, but I had to go up there for at least a half hour meeting on the spring trip to DC. Which of course, I just found out about yesterday. This started as an 8th grade trip (actually it used to be a 7th grade trip to Toronto, but passport laws as they are today), but they are sending 7th and 8th grade this year. And, Jason wants me to chaperone. I really love to help out and am happy that he still wants me to be part of these events that will give him so many memories. I usually chaperone one field trip a year, but boy what a doozy (and pricey) of a trip. I actually went to DC with honor society in 8th grade, so I am excited that he gets to experience the adventure. The downside is that I plan on being in Seattle for ACRL March 12 - 14 and the DC trip is 16 - 19. I will be off a plane, have one day to do laundry (thank goodness for that day!!) and then we will be on a bus at 5 am the 16th. Should be interesting, but I am sure it will be a great time!
I have also been covering part of northern Illinois and Chicago, but thank goodness the regular rep is coming back at the end of the month. I have missed working in that area, but I have just been swamped and had no time to breathe. My boss actually left me a message today asking me to call him back. I left him a voice mail letting him know that I had been back in town for 45 minutes, was on my way to a football scrimmage, and had a meeting at 6:3o at the school. I mentioned I would be happy to talk to him after that, so he sent me an e-mail. He is a pretty smart guy :-)
Football is still a political mess, but at least we are working through it. I am co-managing the team and starting to think that was a mistake. I am used to doing everything and not trusting that anyone else will do anything (I know, minor control issues). So, I figure my counterpart goes to the practices and is basically plays the team mom, while I manage paperwork, rosters, lists, etc. The problem is that I send out the paperwork requests, schedule changes, what have you and make sure that the e-mail is also sent to her so that she knows what I am working on. Two days later she will call me or e-mail me that that called all of the parents for the same information that I e-mailed about, in a hurry, on my way out the door. If she was going to do it anyway, I wouldn't have bothered. I love the woman, but she is getting on my last nerve.
Come to find out Jess thinks that his Mom is not really in remission and she is just telling everyone that so that they won't push her on why she is not doing chemo. I think at this point, she has just accepted the inevitable and is trying not to add to the $100,000 of debt that they now have due to the cancer - that had now actually spread to her knees. The doctor told Jess that he has never seen this type of cancer ever go into remission and that the chemo just prolongs her life for a little while. She is supposed to go back in November, so hopefully we will know more then.
Lastly, my Stepmom and I had to put my Dad in the hospital last week for what we thought were hallucinations due to a new pain medication that is known to cause insomnia and hallucinations. He had already called the cops on people that were in his house that weren't really there. He was verbally vicious and threatened my stepmom to me over the phone. It was an empty threat and he hadn't been physical, but verbal threats were still enough to make me worry since he was not a sane state of mind. For his own safety and hers we did what we had to do. He drove himself to the hospital (because he wouldn't ride with us), signed the ER paperwork, and based on the triage nurse and doctore evaluation she and I had to admit him. Her signature, but both of our names are on the petition. We expected the drug to wear off after a couple of days and then, based on our research, he would snap out of it. Wrong, he woke up pissed, blocked all communication and blocked all information going to her or I. One week later and a judge has dicatated that he belongs in the hospital and the lines of communication are slowly opening up. I found out today that there have been no improvement and they are thinking that this is something more severe than a side effect. I am going to go to the hospital to see if he will see me tomorrow - cross your fingers, since he wouldn't return my phone call. Also, pray that I have the patience with him that I need and don't take his ramblings to heart. He just gets so nasty right now that I am thinking my Stepmom may be earning Sainthood. I need to just keep telling myself that he does understand reality and that he doesn't know what he is saying.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
MIL news
Hey all, just wanted to let everyone know that I received the news yesterday that my Ex-Mother in Law is in remission. They are watching her closely and she needs to go back in three months for tests, but the news is good for now.
Thank you for all your prayers and support.
I will write more later.
Thank you for all your prayers and support.
I will write more later.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Hectic summer
The past two months I have painted 3 rooms, stripped the deck floor and restained it, and stained the picnic table. I have thrown a party for 65 people and I have blisters from raking the yard. I have refinanced one car in order to add another car (that I was not supposed to receive until next year) to my monthly finances. I hopefully have carpet being layed in the next few days and I still need to have my driveway resurfaced.
I have had a few customer appointments, gone to two football camps, 3 days of sales meetings, and ran Jason to speed and agility clinics throughout the month of July.
This is my last weekend before I start traveling again - Terre Haute, Indianapolis, Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Upper Peninsula, and Minneapolis all before the end of August. And, I am sure there will be more. It is also the last weekend before football practice starts - 5 days a week starting Monday.
Ira will be at a golf tournament all weekend and Jason will be with his Dad. If anyone is looking for me I will be at the beach. By myself. With a book and my raft for 1.
I have had a few customer appointments, gone to two football camps, 3 days of sales meetings, and ran Jason to speed and agility clinics throughout the month of July.
This is my last weekend before I start traveling again - Terre Haute, Indianapolis, Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Upper Peninsula, and Minneapolis all before the end of August. And, I am sure there will be more. It is also the last weekend before football practice starts - 5 days a week starting Monday.
Ira will be at a golf tournament all weekend and Jason will be with his Dad. If anyone is looking for me I will be at the beach. By myself. With a book and my raft for 1.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Vacation
I am back to work, but all in all my vacation was pretty nice. We didn't go anywhere specifically, but just stayed close to home.
Monday was Jason's birthday so we did what he wanted to do and that included 9 holes of golf and lunch at Chili's. He requested bbq chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans for dinner, but it started to rain and I didn't feel like grilling in the rain. So, we went to Aubree's for pizza. For his and Ira's birthday (Friday) I gave them both bright and shiny #11 Devin Thomas Redskins jerseys, and ironically enough, as soon as we walked into Aubree's Devin was standing right by the door. So, Jason now has an autographed #11 Redskins jersey.
Tuesday we just hung out and played an NFL trivia game - he won in double overtime.
Wednesday, I took Jason and his friend Chris to the water park. It was nice to hang out in the lazy river and get some sun. Wednesday afternoon Jason started speed and agility training, so it was an exhausting day for both of us.
Thursday morning the three of us golfed 18 holes of golf and I made Jason's birthday dinner that I didn't make for him on his birthday.
Friday as Ira's birthday so Jason and I celebrated it by going to see Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D - very cool BTW. For dinner that night Ira requested Blimpyburger, so it was greasy burgers for 5.
Saturday it was boating and tubing with friends - 4 adults and 10 kids, crazy and fun.
Aahh, Sunday, my last day off - painting, running to Stockbridge, and Hartland. Great fun - woo hoo :-)
Monday was Jason's birthday so we did what he wanted to do and that included 9 holes of golf and lunch at Chili's. He requested bbq chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans for dinner, but it started to rain and I didn't feel like grilling in the rain. So, we went to Aubree's for pizza. For his and Ira's birthday (Friday) I gave them both bright and shiny #11 Devin Thomas Redskins jerseys, and ironically enough, as soon as we walked into Aubree's Devin was standing right by the door. So, Jason now has an autographed #11 Redskins jersey.
Tuesday we just hung out and played an NFL trivia game - he won in double overtime.
Wednesday, I took Jason and his friend Chris to the water park. It was nice to hang out in the lazy river and get some sun. Wednesday afternoon Jason started speed and agility training, so it was an exhausting day for both of us.
Thursday morning the three of us golfed 18 holes of golf and I made Jason's birthday dinner that I didn't make for him on his birthday.
Friday as Ira's birthday so Jason and I celebrated it by going to see Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D - very cool BTW. For dinner that night Ira requested Blimpyburger, so it was greasy burgers for 5.
Saturday it was boating and tubing with friends - 4 adults and 10 kids, crazy and fun.
Aahh, Sunday, my last day off - painting, running to Stockbridge, and Hartland. Great fun - woo hoo :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
