Ira and I were having an interesting conversation on addictions and it got me thinking....
Basically, our discussion was centered on my family this time. My Dad's side of the family and I mean everyone that was in his immediate family that I ever knew had an addiction of some sort - alcohol, drugs, and gambling. And, to top it off they all smoked at some point too. So, those of you who know me well are asking how did I escape this? Honestly, I don't know that I exactly escaped.
Given that I am not a psychologist, my opinion is not an eduacted one, just a lifelong one. I honestly believe that addictive personalities can be and are hereditary given certain genes. Obviously, when you look at one family and out of 6 people only 1 has not shown any signs of a major addiction, that is a hereditary case of addictive personalities.
Not to sound like the goody two-shoes that I have always been labeled in my family, but I have never smoked regularly (maybe a couple of drags at the bar), never been addicted to drugs, am a social drinker, and have no desire to "need" to gamble (enjoy it, but I have my limit and I can walk through a casino and not spend a nickle). Does this mean, I missed the gene? Probably not. My biggest fault (well, the biggest one that could carry an addictive label anyway) - I love to spend money. I literally need to just stay out of stores sometimes so that I will not browse the racks when I know I don't need anything. Is it an addicition, I don't think so - I don't need to go shopping and I don't need to spend money. I personally think that we all have momentary addictions - a new relationship, you just can't stop thinking about the other person, a new car - you want to drive it all the time or at least sit in it and figure out all the gadgets, a new cell phone that you can't leave alone, a new house you don't want to leave. And then we have unintended habits - eating out all the time or shopping are probably my biggest two. Fortunately, all of those things are usually broken given a short hiatus or whenever you get comfortable with the new item, relationships included.
So, how have I stayed away from all the major bad stuff? I grew up watching what it did to my family. I saw all the bad stuff, I never really saw the positive sides of any of the addictions. Some people are drawn to these addictions because they don't know anything else or they want to be like their older siblings, relatives, or parents.
I experienced the fights to the emergency rooms over gashed faces, cracked heads, bottomed-out blood pressure, and drunk decisions to go to rehab (that I held him to). I dealt with the broken furniture and smoke filled rooms. I saw the loss of property, dignity, bodily control (and fluids), and a general loss of self-importance. Why the hell would I want anything to do with that?
So, I did the opposite, I resented it and I lost respect for everyone involved in it. I did not stop loving anyone, but I literally lost respect for every member of the family I loved most. I chose to step up and be the first one to get a college degree, I had a drive to make something out of my life, and I wanted to be better than what I was spawned from. However, I also know that that addictive personality is in me somewhere and I am very conscience of the decisions I make.
Has it been an easy path - no. Has it been worth it, looking back - you bet! I am happy with my life and honestly, I thank my severly dysfunctional family for having their addictions because while I have had to deal or observe more than most kids (or even adults), it made me a better person and while I still don't understand it all the time, I understand that I can't fix it. I can support it when they ready for help and I can be there when they fall, but I cannot fix it.
Now, if I get addicted to saving and investing money and getting to the gym more frequently (like I used to) then those are two things that would be worth getting addicted to.
About Me
- Shay
- 37 year old working Mom striving for a balance of a career, a relationship, and a well-adjusted child.
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3 comments:
Ah, yes. I understand this one big time. While I struggled for a little while with a smoking addiction, it was easy to break once I made my mind up. But I really think there are two ways that hereditary addiction affects people. The first is that they repeat the same mistakes as the previous generation. The second is that they learn from it. I've seen alcohol destroy people close to me and it had a psychological effect on me. In turn, I am the 100% polar opposite. I barely drink. Now, everyone doesn't take it to the same extreme as I do but it does tell you something about heredity vs. environment. Sometimes the environment that we grow up in has an effect on what we do with those genetic tendencies. This is something that I've learned through living and with much therapy.
So, good job skirting the badness. It's hard. It would have been so easy for both of us to repeat those mistakes. But it speaks to integrity and will that you have overcome this.
I am also trying to move from spending money to saving it addictively! Sometimes, things that seem to be addictions are just habits. You're just in a habit of eating out, because when you're on the road, that's what you need to do. You're a good cook and could cook at home if you chose, but going out is fun to do! Eating out is not a bad addition to have! For me, spending money was a control-thing. I never had much money to spend growing up, probably the same for you. I've had to retrain my control need that choosing NOT to spend is more of what I need. You're a good girl, Sharon, and a good person!
I'm sorry -- I meant to comment on this earlier (and, your cool new layout!!).
I'm impressed that you were able to overcome all of that to be who you are. So what if your family thinks you're a goody two shoes? Mine does, too. I just shrug and say, "So? I am who I am." You should be proud, and know that you (hopefully) broke the chain that goes from generation to generation.
Great post! Very uplifting.
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